dilemma

i'm in dilemma right now..
sangat rasa serba salah..confused..blank..blur..sumerlah..

dia suda kerja kembali..
baguskah? tidak baguskah?
betul2 ke dia da berubah?

tp hati saya mcm2 rase..
mcm da x nk..mcm nak..
mcm kesian..
menyampah da pasti..tp benci tu sikit lagi..

tp sekarang dia da keja..
dan dia janji akan mulakan tanggungjawab dia lepas ni..
tp smpai matikah? ke hangat2 taik babi je..haih!
apekah takkan berulang? apekah akan berulang?
wahh..tersepit saya ni..

takpe..takpe..
korang sume tak payah runsing..
biar saya sorang je yang pening..
korang baca je..
toksah pikir ape-ape..

ramadhan:day 6

today is the 6th day of ramadhan..

smlm was not a good day for me..
am only breakfasting at 8..
reason why?hmm..got into fight again..duh!
tp lantakla..i'm calm now..
and much better..

smlm..marah2 tp still masak jugak (xdela nk kate baik..tp kalu x masak nk mkn pe la plak kan..)
i masak kembong tempoyak cair, kentang goreng berlada n tumis kubis..
mcm sedap..tp selera kaput..so mkn skali tu je la..eh baru pasan ah..da 2 3 arini mkn skali jugakla..xde tambah2..pkembangan nih..hopefully can shed SOME weight..eheheh
heidi pn skrg baru ok tastebud dia..before this bagila pape pn..haraaaamm nk makan..
like the other day, she ate rice+serunding daging, pastu mkn plak koko krunch+milk..wah..habis ko..
licinn..

smlm gak baca blog kak aishah..and ade satu post tu psl her twins latest vocabs..tgelak baca..
so trase gak mcm nk share latest vocabs heidi..bykla sangat..tp jarang yg bebutir..(ala..nnti da pndai ckp ko plak yg x larat layan wehh..eehehe)
since heidi are sent to nursery..so bykla yg dia pndaikan..tp have to tapis her words..taula anta nursery ni..and consider today's generation yg bapakla bijaknyer..ishh..bykla nk kene tapis..
so here are some of the vocabs yg dia tgh nk discover:

- 'ef si si : its either KFC or KLCC..dia confuse ok..bile soh sbut K.F.C dia ikutla..pstu kang dia sebutla bnde ni balik..
- bom : baring
- mama, heidi cing (sambil tunjuk suar dia) / mama, yak : i ajar dia sblm nk kncing or berak cakap..dia x..da settle baru btau..sungguhla budak nih..
- popo pwunch : koko krunch
- asik : nasi
- ecoh aa : kecoh ar..(klaka gile dia ckp ni..lembut je suare dia)
- abam : abang (but refer it to her father..bley?)
- tomes : thomas, henwy: henry,ercy:percy,dabes:douglas,duna:donald,germs:james,
euwerd:edward,doden:gordon (all thomas n friends nyer character..hafal okeh)
- iee..suk: iee..busuk (especially seluar,diapers)

tu la antaranya..byk lagi but she's progressing..hopefully she can speak clearly upon nearing 3 y.o..

ok..have to stop here..got meeting..
daaa..

MOTS : for those who sent kids to nursery..mmgla kne bt prevention action everytime balik umah..especially on their use of words..ckp kt dorg which word is good and which aren't..mmgla dorg x paham..tp later..they will get it..and limit urself from using it (peringatan khas utk saya..huhuu)

keracunan makanan yang diracun. AH?APE??

jumaat mlm sbtu lepas perut aku sakit..gile babi nyer sakit smpai aku rase slsema babi pn x sakit camtu (giler ah leh tau H1N1 sakit caner..)dlm hati "ahh..sok nk pose..xkn nk sakit cmni gak? sejak bile plak perut aku xleh adapt x mkn sehari ni..sengal" so aku bt xtau je..padehal..



esoknyer..



babah kejut aku bgn sahur..mkn nasik lebey kurang..pstu mase nk minum air ttibe rase mual nk muntah.."cis..xleh jadi ni.."aku masuk bilik air nk bteleku jap..skali kuar abis sume sgala mala mknn aku.."ahh..cirit la plak.."xpe aku ttp maintain..



siangnyer..



melepek xleh bt pe..nk tlg masak pn fail..bgn je rase nk muntah..bgn jer rase nk tcirit..last2 aku tsadai je atas katil smpai bukak pose..(tetap gagah ok nk pose gak..tsk)seb baek ade adik tlg jagakan heidi..seb baek heidi sporting maut x kaco aku tdo..fuhh..



mlm lps bukak pose..



x settle lg prob aku ni..mkn pn rase pasir je..aku terpikir..pe la yg aku kunyah aritu..last2 aku bt ksimpulan aku mkn mkanan yg tlh diracuni dicemari..so maknanye aku da kene food poisoning la nih..duh..benci!
so esok sahur pn slambe muntah n cirit..last2 aku sound kt babah "krg bwk along g klinik tau.." x bleh blah la..

gi klinik doc prescribed byk gile ubat..6 jenis banyakla tu kan..so mendapatla aku x pose smlm..sbb x tahan gile..eheheh..xpe nnti ganti..


MOTS: tutup mknn dgn cling wrap..jgn men letak je bwh tudung saji..maybe lalats xleh masuk..tp bntg len i.e lipas boleh..(kt kuarters aku tu..koloni lipas sdg bmaharajalela..)

how to say this?

hi..
it has been a long time since i last wrote..
it's due now..i think..
why i'm writing back?
well..so many things happened in such a short time..
which most of it i called dugaan..
why dugaan?becoz it shook my senses..leaving me vulnerable..
it hurts deeply..painfully..

i'm not recovering yet..in the middle of ending this miserable thing..
hope everything will turn normal again..
and my baby can live happily..without having to be the watcher and listener..
poor girl..i owe u a big gigantic apology..

sungguh sakit.. bila org yg kita harapkan menjaga, memelihara dan melindungi tidak menjalankan tanggungjawabnya..lebih pedih bila kesemuanya jatuh atas bahu kita..

i may be a whiner..but i only whine on my rights..
i will continue whining till i get things straight and clear..
bosan jadi batu loncatan..benci jadi kambing hitam..

ade kwn2 ckp kt aku utk byk2 bersabar..perkara kecik x payahla nk gado pjg2..
i appreciate their advice n thought..
tapi..hmm..hard to say..
i'm the one who suffer..so i just can smile n say..we'll see..

so to all others who suffered the same problem..
bkn nk menghasut ke ape ke kan..sume tpulang pd diri sendiri..
mmgla sayang family..tp smpai bile bole tahan, ye x?
it's abour time u love urself n ur child..first..
period.

and friends..slamat bpuasa!